So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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