So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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