I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
