i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i now understand why vodka
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize