Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
