You really coming over, don't trick.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
