Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
