I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
