She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
