yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
