Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
