you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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