i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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