i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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