Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
