yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
