i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
