My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
