I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
