ugly people sure do ruin things
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
