During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
