so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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