he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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