it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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