I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
