I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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