Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I faked an abortion last night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
