Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....

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  (734): So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me.... http://tfl.nu/r3jg
  Replies (2) Good night (810) Bad night (1621)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.

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  (508): He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think. http://tfl.nu/5bqt
  Replies (36) Good night (6298) Bad night (528)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

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  (256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality http://tfl.nu/65cw
  Replies (44) Good night (7491) Bad night (912)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me

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  (405): Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me http://tfl.nu/44om
  Replies (19) Good night (5181) Bad night (1687)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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  (270): The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips... http://tfl.nu/unl6
  Replies (8) Good night (5236) Bad night (1406)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here

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  (614): Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here http://tfl.nu/czu0
  Replies (13) Good night (3120) Bad night (960)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.

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  (801): First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up. http://tfl.nu/q6w0
  Replies (8) Good night (2905) Bad night (921)
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  (310): View more from California

  I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.

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  (310): I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right. http://tfl.nu/p298
  Replies (2) Good night (1888) Bad night (986)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?

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  (605): Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win? http://tfl.nu/frm8
  Replies (6) Good night (1594) Bad night (347)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.

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  (304): drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth. http://tfl.nu/cmgz
  Replies (7) Good night (1615) Bad night (851)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.

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  (717): Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it. http://tfl.nu/5u1i
  Replies (4) Good night (1252) Bad night (398)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.

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  (352): a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window. http://tfl.nu/ast5
  Replies (10) Good night (1230) Bad night (238)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.

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  (215): I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames. http://tfl.nu/kido
  Replies (9) Good night (679) Bad night (280)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.

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  (512): I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds. http://tfl.nu/soup
  Replies (4) Good night (404) Bad night (210)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.

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  (505): So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused. http://tfl.nu/omzp
  Replies (1) Good night (220) Bad night (305)

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