He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
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Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
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THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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