He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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