i just wanna soil my oats bro
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
