Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
