that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
