you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
