just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
