woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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