I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
