i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He passed out mid-signature
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize