just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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