I am puke
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
