im having a threesome with these popsicles
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
