you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
