This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Its about making memories worth repressing
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
