What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
