I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You may now shotgun with the bride
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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