I puked a lego.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
