No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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