Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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