Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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