Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
