I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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