Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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