Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
