Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
