No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize