I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
