booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
