oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
