Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
