Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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